Parenting Tips News
Ruth asks…
Did I sign and agree to a parenting plan under false pretenses?
In Feb of 2006 my ex relocated closer to my children. He lived 4 hours away before for 3 years and i was the primary caretaker. When he came back, he had a new parenting plan revised. What he showed me at the time was that I would have them 183 days a year and he would have them 182 days a year. I would remain the custodial parent for tax purposes and I did not work when he proposed this to me. I signed the parenting plan for it seemed fair and accurate at the time. When we went to court to let it take effect, I happened to be working at the time, but I only was employed for 3 monts and went back to being a stay at home mom because it was to costly with 3 kids and daycare. One year later almost to the day, my ex took me back to court to modify child support. He said it was because he made less money and that he wanted to claim both girls for tax purposes. He also said that he had the girls more, but we had been following the parenting plan that he submitted so how could that be?
The parenting plan hasn’t changed. I feel like he said one thing to get me to sign it and knew all along what was going to happen. On the new order its shows that he makes more money than previously, they have me making the same amount of money even though I don’t work,and still cut his child support in half. I never would have agreed to this parenting plan. But I trusted him and what he showed me on paper. What do I do? Did he mislead me?
admin answers:
An unemployed parent taking the tax exemption is a waste, and leaves more in Uncle Sams pocket. The exemption should go to the parent earning more, and an arrangement made to split the extra benefit. This is perfectly legal and smarter tax planning.
If he is making less now than he did last year he is entitled to file a motion to adjust child support if the reduction in income is not an attempt to avoid child support.
Looks like you got a bit worked up and are making more out of this than what it is. It appears the only reason he is raising the matter of having the children more than half the year is for the tax break, not to take custody.
If he is making more than you give him the tax break but ask him to agree to split the benefit.
Jenny asks…
Does anyone know what a person could or should do if their ex in not following a parenting plan?
can a person be charged with something if their in violation of a parenting plan? and if so, how does one go about charging them or holding this person accountable for this.
admin answers:
If you need to ask the Court to enforce a prior order because the other party is violating it, first decide whether to file a Motion for Contempt or a Motion to Enforce.
Get the Motion document from the clerk of courts or online.
Put your case number on it (found on your judgment)
write the date of the order you are trying to enforce. Then check the box or boxes which fit your issue.
Explain what the other party has done to violate the earlier order. Follow the list of issues you checked and explain each violation in the same order. Be as brief as possible.
Check the box or boxes that describe what you want the Judge to order to fix the problem.
For “Remedial Sanctions.” These are orders the Judge could give to insure that the order is followed or to pay you for the harm the other party has caused you. For example, the Judge could order extra visitation days to replace those that the other party refused to give in violation of the order. The Judge could also imprison or fine the other party for ongoing violations of the Court’s orders. Another typical remedy is to require the other party to catch up on back child support that was owed but not paid.
Check the box if you want the Judge to order the other party to pay your costs of bringing the Motion.
Before you go to court on your Motion, think about what you think the Judge should do to fix the problem. Then you will be prepared to explain exactly what you want the Court to order.
Date and sign the Motion in front of a notary.
Check with your clerk regarding perfecting service and possible subpoena.
There will be fees associated with this, the clerk can tell you how much.
Best wishes
Betty asks…
How to respond to petition for parenting plan?
I dont know what to say..
Do I just write down what i want? or..
it starts with
I request that the court:…
I request the court to show that I am not thinking whats best for me, I’m always thinking about whats best for my son. I am willing to come to an agreement with the parenting plan.
?? does that sound stupid?
admin answers:
Yes, it sounds stupid! Get a mouthpiece atty to speak on your behalf. Blow this on your own and you risk making any decision MUCH MUCH MUCH tougher to appeal! Sell your car if you have to but get atty ASAP.
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Sandy asks…
Question about people on the Internet . . . Advice?
Hi!
I’m confused about something and was hoping for some advice. Here’s the story:
Back in January, I went to a Richelle Mead book-signing with some friends. While we were waiting in line, I heard Richelle say, “Oh, thanks Linda,” to the girl who made her a bookmark. I remember this because I was so excited, I sort of rushed forward while Linda was getting her books signed, and my friend had to hold me back. lol! When I got home, I checked Richelle’s blog and found a picture of Linda next to Richelle like I’d seen last night. I don’t pay much attention to it until I was commenting and saw that Linda has commented as well. I commented to Linda saying hi and asking what quotes she put in her bookmark. I told her I was standing behind her in line and she said she was pretty sure she remembered me. We got to talking and eventually I gave her my email. We’ve been chatting even since about books and such and she even helped to edit a short story I did.
Anyway, the point is, I know she is a girl, a real person, and not some crazy stalker. So, I thought maybe we could exchange numbers. She gave her number, and I gave her mine. We’re going to talk whenever I get my phone charger back (it was left at my grandmother’s lol!) I see nothing wrong with calling her . . . and yet I still worry about my parents finding out. Why is this? Asking permission would make me feel better, but how am i supposed to broach the subject while not freaking my parents out. They’ll think I met some crazy person on the Internet! Won’t they? They, er, have trouble listening once they hear certain words and then they yell. At least that’s what usually happens.
Just so we’re clear, we are both minors, her parents know about me and said it was okay with them after Linda explained who I was. I am just nervous about my own parents getting the wrong idea. Any advice?
William: You’re right. Thank you very much! You’ve made me feel a lot better.
Lamia: Vampire? lol! Really, though, where’d the name come from?
admin answers:
I would say just tell your parents that you met her at the book signing, because you technically did, and that you got to talking. If they hear that you have met her in person then they probably won’t care at all how you met her.
Otherwise, you could always say she’s a friend of a friend.
William asks…
Parents: What is your take on this bit of parental advice?
I was reading in the most recent issue of “Parenting” magazine the early years (July 2009). On page 77 they have an article called “Genius Advice for Moms”. On this page it states and I quote:
“When toddlers throw tantrums, they often need to block out stimulation in order to calm down……. make a cave or cocoon like space by throwing a blanket over a small table and allowing him to climb under it. If you’ve got a pop up kid tent that will work too. Give him his lovey and a pillow and he’ll have the soothing sanctuary he needs to regroup.”
I’m convinced that it’s THIS kind of parenting that leads to children who are spoiled and bratty and think they can get off easy with misbehavior. I am perfectly understanding of need to separate from stimulation to regroup. But to build them a tent and let them lay there with a toy and some pillows??? I don’t think so. A timeout chair is perfectly sufficient as means of giving a child time to regroup.
Thoughts? Does anyone think this is simply another way of coddling your child when they are acting out?
No I don’t miss the point of time out. Time out is a tool used to allow a child to calm down and sometimes to allow the parent to calm down as well. Time outs are not typically punishments in our home as much as they are time to chill out then come rejoin when they can be calm.
BUT I’m sure as heck not going to build my child a tent and coddle them amidst a tantrum. That’s catering to it, not helping it.
admin answers:
As chicken farmer said, I think it does depend on the tantrum.
If she’s over tired, I’ll put my daughter in her bed with a blanket and let her calm down and usually go to sleep. If we’re out and its a tantrum over something she wants, i’m going to ignore the behavior.
I’m being dramatic but could you just imagine a mother in the grocery store, running all over looking for items to build a tent because little suzie throws a fit over something. I’ll probably fall over laughing!
Steven asks…
27 year old living home w parents, some advice please?
I am a 27 year old male and all I really want in life is a girlfriend. Every one laughs at me when I say that as they think I will never find a girlfriend in my situation.
Kinda long but I will summarize as much as possible and appreciate your feedback.
My older siblings (2 brothers and 1 sister) have literally put my parents in complete debt. Basically from about 8 years ago to having a house paid off to now having a 275000 dollar house with almost no equity because they had to take loans out to pay off the lawyer fees for my sister to fight for custody of her daughter because she decided to take years out of her life to do and deal drugs. To pay the hospital fees that my brothers induced when they decided to nearly drink themselves to death. All these multiple times have put a huge burden on my and my family.
I have never touched alcohol and drugs in my life and never will.
I in the process got about 25000 in debt over the years helping my family out and over the years and still to this day pay them around 1000-1100/month rent and do all my self chores independantly around the house so I am definately independant.
I tried to move out last January and my parents made it very hard. I know that they would loose the house if I left because they would have a difficult time paying the rent alone. I also know they really want me there for moral support since I was the only one that turned out decent.
My parents brought me over to a lawyer, and put everything in my name as the beneficiary for when they die. The house will be mine, all of their life insurance policies and bonds will be in my name, and no others. This came as a surprise, but they want me to be happy. I feel that the next couple of years will be more stable and my parents should hopefully be able to afford without me as I know I want to move on.
But basically how would I explain this all to a girl I want to meet. That is all I want in life… my favorite quote is “love conquers everything” and I want to experience that.
Would I have any trouble or concerns?
admin answers:
Explain it the way you just explained it….if this is really what your are doing to help your family then the girl in your life should be happy for you and appreciate what your doing and take you for who your are…If she doesn’t agree and tells you like you to old to be living with your family ect ect and bring you down she is not worth your time….just explain to the woman that comes along your situation she can either take it as it is for another year or be with someone else….GOOD LUCK hun you will find love don’t worry!
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Daniel asks…
Depressed and sad, summer school, grades, parents that dont understand… please help me?
I am so sad… well school just ended, and I did all I could to pass at the end but failed…
I’m in 10th grade and I had decent grades in the first semester (we get credits for passing the overall grade per semester).. I don’t know where to start off, lets see I have been going though huge changes in my life, my parents don’t understand….. moved into a new house that are family does not like due to financial problems theses days (smaller,old, environment is bad, parents argue my mom does not like my dad, dad used to be an alcoholic and became insane, he went to court for domestic violence which leads him to his depression. Family is falling apart, sister has some bi-polar thing going on, and at one point broke all the plates/glass in our house due to anger, and BRINGS you down EVERYDAY low-self essetem . Sister gets into fights with mom, Friends I thought were my friends barley even talk to even to me like they don’t know me, I get left out on a lot of things, and the list keeps going (REALLY)… you can say I was in a depression. But this started at the start of this 2009 summer it went all down hill, at the start of this school year I was in a small depression, did not take over until the winter time. Then I was in a major depression, this lead to my failing grades… I regret to this day.. I learned to cope with it just recently and did all I could for a last try to pull my grades up from this depression I had… but failed overall for THIS Semester…. English F… Geometry (passed both semester) D…. Spanish F…. History C… Health D…… Sociology F… I passed all class but one in first semester,, but second semester went downhill for me.. FML!!!! All the teachers new I was a smart kid one of the smartest in the class they talked with me after class(which I am) but just didn’t understand what was going on with me.. (which they don’t) I missed a lot of days of school because of depression which lead me to “No Credit status” and im getting no credit for classes I passed on, but I THINK my mom is going to sign an appoint with the head attendance person about reversing it… idk.. and the point is Im so sad that I failed.. I mean it’s the end of the year everybody is talking about summer how fun its going to be, and livin carefree… as for me wakeing up early for summer school…. Im angry,sad,frusterated, and ashamed.. my (asian parents…) mom does not under stand why my grades fail she honeslty doesn’t, contently harassing me and yelling and all this bad things wich makes me ashamed and angry, I tried talking to her but it dident help…. Some one help I think im going back into a major depression in the summer!!! To make up classes I failed… while everyone is having fun, Ill be my self alone agine 
can some one cheer me up, tips advice, the sunny things about summer school please.. Im so sad
admin answers:
Ahhh bud I’m so sorry. You’ve got it pretty tough but just think that a lot of people have it worse. I have been through crappy times as well and you should know that its just a phase thats going to pass. Have faith that this “era” will pass and in the end, you will be happy. Summer school isn’t that bad. To tell you the truth, if you have nothing else to do, like if you don’t want to travel cause your parents have no money, then you would be bored to death. Summer school will at least give you something to do. And hey, it could be fun! Try to look at it in a positive way. And DON’T feel like a failure! You have the biggest reason to have done bad in school.. Pshh anyone else would have done the same thing and probably wouldn’t have tried at all! As for parents, sometimes, they are the worst thing ever and they ruin your life. You need to ignore them. Just tell them what they want to hear to shut them up. Then ignore them. Talk to your sister- you need to unite with her. Tell her that you two need to stick together cause she is the only one who is in your same situation and can understand what you are going through. Don’t be depressed bud! Life is too short to not live it with a smile on your face 
Best of luck bud!
Jenny asks…
I am so sick of my parents.?
So, I need to vent. If you have negative comments please keep them to yourself. So, I have a crazy life. My parents are both pharmacist, we have a very nice house and I just turned 15 and got a car. (its not new so don’t call me spoiled) I know this is bad and you will see where they are coming from but in the past they have caught me numerous times with weed and cigerettes. I am just experimenting you know? Anyways I kinda have bad grades and so my dad blows up on me. I am impoving though, I seriously have made a huge change. (I refuse to stop smoking weed) I have admitted to my parents everything and I see where they are coming from, but they see im making a change, but its like they still want to punish me. I mean if you were in this situation wouldn’t you unground your child because you see they are changing? Also this is a big factor, my mom and dad are strict and they NEVER listen to me. My brother is the goodiest boy in the world and rats me out for EVERYTHING. He is the weirdest brother ever also. Anyways heres why im mad, I bring home a 96 on my math test, bring my spanish grade from a F to a B in one day up. My science grade is now a B, my English is around a B, Engineering is a B, and the only two things I have bad grades in is math and social studies. I AM changing though. This is the MAIN reason im mad, whenever I want to go to a friends house my dad always has to talk to their parents about it AND IM IN HIGHSCHOOL. Whenever he is not home he says I can’t have ANYONE over because he needs to supervise. again HIGHSCHOOL. Jesus, I just have a bunch of problems, I just, don’t know what to do. Im making a change but my dad is the biggest ass in the world. Wow. Just give me some tips please. I hope this isn’t too long.
admin answers:
You have to realize that your parents are strict for a reason. You are really fortunate that they bought you a car. I’m currently 19 and I’m still relying in sh!ty public transportation. Experimenting? Experimenting means you’re only trying it once or twice. They don’t want you to lead to a bad path that’s all. When you’re older you’re going to realize that all they want is the best for you. Trust me, when I was 15, I did all kinds of bad sh!t I can never take back. I was just like you, SMOKING, drinking, drugs. As much as I hate telling you this, you live under their house. They pay the bills, they payed for your car, they pay for the food you eat.
Please don’t take your parents for granted. They’re only alive to watch you grow and become something, SOMEONE successful. As for your brother, don’t be jealous. It’s typical that siblings are favorites by parents. My little sister got into a 4 year scholarship to ANY high school in our area. Talk about golden child much?
Dude, just chill out. Life sucks and all but they are your parents. They want what’s the best for you. Be thankful you’re not some kid from Haiti with dying parents on the road.
Steven asks…
Are they’re any kpop companies that allow groups to audition?
Hey guys, I’m in my own girl group called “6T33N (I’m the leader), I know English (fluently), French (i’m learning it in School), Korean (im learning), and tagalog (yes, im filipino). Umma knows English, Madarin, cantonese,(all fluent) korean(learning), spanish(learning). And Maknae knows English (fluent) and Taagalog (fluent) and we are looking for kpop companies who let groups/bands audition together. We don’t really want LOEN bcuz we don’t really like their artists the well as others. (not to be rude or anything) We are a group of 3, we’re not 16 btw, were just 12-13 so i guess we’re pretty young. Here’s pictures of all of us (I listed me, the leader, first, next is our Umma, then our Maknae: http://www.facebook.com/groups/242197955844350/?notif_t=group_activity#!/photo.php?fbid=312860052069586&set=t.100000659577090&type=3&theater
Umma (shes on the right):http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.148454238519894.27379.100000659577090&type=3#!/photo.php?fbid=292099627486912&set=a.151278548235688.24718.100000606304404&type=1&theater
and finally the Maknae:http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.148454238519894.27379.100000659577090&type=3#!/photo.php?fbid=267300953292163&set=a.149836271705299.25467.100000367828265&type=1&theater
So then yeah ,thats what we look like. Also we have some other questions please be honest)
1)Do you all think we can make it in
2)What do we do if we pass an audition
3)What do you think of what we look like (sorry, not trying to sound self-centered)
4)Do you think we need plastic surgery
5) How many auditions to we have to go through
6)Do we move to Korea?
So yea, I know the most kpop dance routines ranging from SNSD, SHINee, Miss A, Super Junior, f(x), T-ARA, and more. The others are all still learning. I have asked other people around school what they think of my singing and they say i’m great. I really want to become famous with my band but im not sure what my parents would say. So if you could also give me some tips on how to ask my mom and dad (the others are allowed), that would be really great!
Thank you! Kamsahmnida! Merci!
Thank you! Kamsahamnida! Merci!
btw, sorry bout the first photo of myself. (my hair always gets curly at the ends so i have to straighten it all the time) but im planning on getting it permenently straightened. And our Umma, she now has blond-ish highlightes (like Luna’s blond hair from f(x)). And our Maknae, has red highlightes. I weigh 48 kg (around 100 pounds, though alot of people say im skinny ish) and my height is 153 cm ( 5’0 ft tall). And we were all born here in CA in bay area.
admin answers:
1. Getting in is not just based off your looks (which I couldn’t view! XD)
2. If you pass the first audition you’ll probably have to go through a series of more auditions and sometimes they won’t sign a contract with you right away. They’ll observe you for a period of time and decide if they want you (like Yunho from DBSK)
3. I haven’t seen your pics but i’m sure you’re all pretty ^^
4. Companies are stepping away from plastic surgery because it is quite contrversial so that’s why companies consider looks too when you audition.
5. I’m estimating 3 the first audition, call back, and then the final audition
6. Yes because that’s where you’ll be training!
To convince your parents you just have to show them your dedication and commitment to singing/performing. It’s not going to be easy convincing them if they are completely against the idea of your group becoming famous but you should be open with them and tell them of your feelings and passion for your dream.
*when you say “umma” you mean as a role right?? Not your real mom (O.O)??? Hahaha just curious!
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Chris asks…
Best Parenting Books for a new Step Mom?
I am looking to find some of the best parenting books out there. I am a new step mom and I’d like to know the basics! It’s very new to me and i’d be nice to have some up to date books on nap time, and feeding and separation anxiety… and how to deal with a crazy baby’s mother lol. J/K…
But yeah can anyone help or have any idea of some good books or places I can get them? Thanks a ton!
To Peggy—- I would ask the mother of the baby, But she has made our lives a living hell, and doesn’t want us to even see him as it is. We are going through a custody battle as we speak so it’s a long story but there is no way I can ask the mother.
The baby has just turned 7 months.
admin answers:
Well right here in the Parenting section is the best parenting information, of course:-)
How old is the child? There is a great series “What to Expect When. . .(You’re Expecting, The First Year, The Toddler Years) – those books were a God send to me. I was a clueless new mother.
I really like searching the internet for information – especially sites like this that real moms are on. There’s so much information on the net for mothers (and the like), it’s great.
Mandy asks…
How much money is spent on parenting books annually? Self-help books?
I’m working on a book and I’m trying to determine the size of the market. Where can I find this information on a variety of genres? I’d like to know dollars spent as well as number of books. thanks!
admin answers:
THIS INFORMATION TAKEN FROM A PREVIOUS ANSWER ON GOOGLE ANSWERS, AVAILABLE FROM
http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=786161
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
According to a Marketdata Enterprises market report, the U.S.
Self-improvement market is worth $9.6 Billion. Personal coaching &
infomercials do best.
Major Findings:
Market Size
“The total self-improvement market (incl. Revenues of weight loss
programs) was estimated to be worth $9.59 billion in 2005. The market
grew more than 24% between 2003 and 2005. We expect 11.4% yearly
growth through 2010, to a value of $13.9 billion.”
Infomercials
“ALL infomercials sales grew strongly in 2005, up 10% to $2.69
billion. Self-improvement shows represented 48% of the total, or $1.29
billion.”
Audiobooks
“Audiobook sales have been growing about 4.5% per year. Total
audiobook sales were estimated at $2.08 billion last year, with
self-improvement titles representing $354 million of this.”
Books
“ $693 million worth of self-improvement books were sold last year.
Fueled by continued strong sales of diet books, the market is forecast
to grow 8.3%/year—“
Personal coaching
An estimated “ 40,000 people in the U.S. Work as life or work coaches
and this $2.4 billion market is growing 18% per year. “
Value of Self-Improvement Market Segments: 2005 ($ millions)
Infomercials: $1,290
Personal Coaching: 2,400
Mail Order Catalogs: 70
Holistic Institutes & Training Companies: 320
Books: 693
Audiotapes: 354
Weight Loss Programs *: 3,970
Stress Management Programs:
* commercial chains & medical programs only, not incl. Diet foods,
drinks, books or surgeries.
PRWEB via PRWeb: September 21, 2006
http://www.prwebdirect.com/releases/2006/9/prweb440011.htm
The US Market For Self-Improvement Products & Services
Marketdata Enterprises Inc.
September 1, 2006 http://www.marketresearch.com/product/display.asp?productid=1338280&g=1
========================================
2003-2004
According to Marketdata Enterprises, the Self-Improvement Market was
worth $8.5 billion in 2004.
Market Size
“The total self-improvement market (incl. Revenues of commercial and
medical weight loss programs) is estimated by Marketdata to be worth
$8.56 billion as of 2003.”
Infomercials
“Total infomercial sales were up 13.4% to $2.46 billion in 2003. Sales
of SI programs and products now capture an estimated 60% – worth $1.48
billion.”
Audiobooks
“Sales have grown 7% per year since 2001, to $461 million in 2003.”
Books
“Sales of self-help/SI books grew moderately, from $611 million in
2000 to $640 million last year. The number of “new age’ bookstores
rose to 5,000 in the U.S.”
Motivational Speakers
“The top 12 speakers (incl. Franklin Covey Co.) grossed $303 million
last year. (2003)”
Personal Coaching
“Roughly 25,000 “personal coaches” now work in the U.S.”
“The market is worth about $1.5 billion, and is growing rapidly.”
Value of Self-Improvement Market by Segment 2003 ($million)
General motivational, spiritual, self-help: $4,711
Business/financial: $1,062
Stress managem: $385
Weight loss: $1,294
Exercise: $1,114
Marketdata Enterprises, Inc: February 19, 2004
http://www.mkt-data-ent.com/pressreleases/Self-Improvement%20Market%20PR%2002-20-2004.doc
========================================
2000
According to Marketdata Enterprises, the Self-Improvement Market was
worth $5.7 billion in 2000.
Growth
“The market has been growing 9.9% annually since 1998, up nearly 20%
in two years. “
Books
“An estimated 1,800 self-help/inspirational books were released in
1997, with sales valued at $538 million. This sales figure grew to
$611 million last year, according to Simba Information Inc., up 13.5%
in two years.
“The number of “new age” bookstores appears to have leveled off at 4,000.”
Audiotapes/Cassettes Market
“According to the Audio Publishers Association (APA), the overall
market for spoken audio has doubled over the past eight years, and is
now worth an estimated $2 billion. Self-help and inspirational
categories are ranked third and fourth, respectively, as the most
popular categories.”
http://www.mkt-data-ent.com/sample.html
======
Growth
======
Americans spent a whopping $668 million on self-help books in 2005, a
44 percent increase over 10 years earlier.
Appeared in the May 2006 issue of Women’s Health
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/article/0,6176,s1-21-80-789-1-P,00.htmlhelp.htm
“To cope with such economic insecurity, it seems that Americans have
seized upon self-improvement culture in record numbers. Between 1972
and 2004 the number of self-help books published more than doubled.
Estimates of the total annual revenues for the self-help industry
range from $2.8-billion to $8.6-billion, with one out of every three
Americans reporting that they’ve purchased at least one self-help
book.”
“In addition to a thriving, well-advertised, and widely televised
cohort of self-help gurus, over the last decade an entirely new
profession has emerged: personal and career coaches. Themselves often
hailing from the ranks of the downsized, these coaches aim to help
Americans find their way through an increasingly competitive economic
world that has been shorn of most safety nets.”
Self-Help Inc
http://www.selfhelpinc.com/04b01701.htm
“You don’t need me to tell you that self-help books are a significant
chunk of today’s publishing market; out of the $8.5 billion spent on
self-help in 2003, publishers saw about $640 million.”
http://www.mediabistro.com/galleycat/publishing/common_sense_doesnt_come_cheap_37969.asp
“Motivational books, CDs, and self-growth seminars are an annual $5.7
billion US business, with percentage growth in the double digits.”
http://media.wiley.com/product_data/excerpt/09/04708351/0470835109.pdf
“The self-help book category came into its own in 1936 with the
publication of Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence
People. Today self-help sales are $538-million and account for one in
ten titles sold.”
–The Wall Street Journal, December 8, 1998.
Http://online.wsj.com/public/us
http://www.www.parapublishing.com/sites/para/resources/statistics.cfm
——————————-
Psychology Today
Jan, 1988
“An estimated 12 million people now help themselves and their
neighbors by participating in roughly 500,000 self-help groups. These
groups range from such nationally established organizations as
Recovery Inc., founded 50 years ago by psychiatrist Abraham A. Low to
help people with debilitating psychological problems, to Mistresses
Anonymous, Bald-Headed Men of America and Fundamentalists Anonymous.”
(…)
“Fifteen years ago, (1973) not one clearinghouse existed to provide
information on self-help groups or encourage the development of new
ones.”
(…)
“Although people have joined together to find strength in groups for
thousands of years, the modern self-help group composed of people
facing a single problem can be traced back to June 10, 1935, when two
men known to the public as Bill W. And Doctor Bob first met to help
each other stay sober. They eventually founded Alcoholics Anonymous
(AA). By 1986, AA membership totaled an estimated 804,000 in the
United States and Canada, with 41,000 registered groups meeting
regularly. Worldwide membership is estimated at 1.5 million, making AA
by far the largest self-help group in the world. In the 1970s, it
spawned similar groups for people closely involved with alcoholics
(Al-Anon), teenage children living with alcoholic parents (Alateen),
Gamblers Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous. Today, at least 14
organizations follow the AA format.”
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1175/is_n1_v22/ai_6213727
——————————-
“… key moments in the development of the self-help model in America.
Between the rise of AA and the spread of the current mass movement,
there was a period — the late 1960s and early 1970s — when a very
different kind of self-help model was prominent and influential: the
feminist consciousness-raising movement (CR), which also named and
addressed emotional, family- and relationship-based difficulties
plaguing women. CR meetings resembled 12-step meetings in many ways.
Women sat in a circle and “testified” to often hidden, shameful
personal problems such as abusive fathers, boyfriends and colleagues;
body hatred and eating disorders; sexual insecurity and unhappiness;
and self-destructive impulses and practices. “
Mental Help
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=365
——————————-
“Many self-help books advocate the use of “incantations” or
“affirmations.” Simply repeat phrases such as “I like myself” over and
over again, we are told, and soon we will experience an enhanced
self-image and boosted self-esteem. This idea is not new. In the
1920s, French pharmacist Emile Coué created an international fad of
“autosuggestion” by encouraging everyone to repeat the mantra: “Day by
day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” Repeating it aloud
20 times each morning and evening was supposed to result in health,
wealth, and pretty much whatever else one wanted (it does, after all,
specify improvement “in every way.”)
Psychotherapy
http://www.psychotherapy.net/products/articles/detail.php?id=160
——————————-
Search criteria:
Self improvement OR help billion OR million market
Growth percent rates trends
Sandy asks…
what are some good parenting books for dads?
This will be mine and my husbands first child and i was wondering some good books to get him?
he wants me to get books for him to read. He really wants to be a good daddy but he is scared to death and clueless. He holds a baby with his hands under there arms and his arms straight out and trys to give it to the closest person.
admin answers:
Quarterback Dad: A Play-by-Play Guide to Tackling Your New Baby
by Bobby Mercer
I bought one for my son-in-law. He actually read the book, and had a good chuckle at the same time.
My daughter has always leaned on the What to Expect series by by Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi Eisenberg Murkoff, Sandee Eisenberg Hathaway
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Steven asks…
crap advice??
I just read this ‘advice‘ column online about what is forgiveable in a relationship or when u should move on…they said this…
When parents or friends dislike your partner it’s often a warning sign. They can’t help but look out for your best interest. “Friends and family are more objective,” says Ratusny. “The family isn’t going to turn a blind eye as easily and can spot a bad behaviour the person is overlooking.”
It’s not always easy for a new partner to get along with your family members and friends. But, you should listen to what your friends and family have to say because usually they are bang on in their observations. Whether or not you agree with them is up to you.
Who else disagrees with this? Aren’t you supposed to put your partner first above all else, no matter what friends or family think? And isn’t that one of the biggest problems in a marriage, in-laws? What would happen if everyone took their parent’s opinions of their partners to heart?
Opinions?
admin answers:
NO~ you are NOT SUPPOSE TO PUT YOUR PARTNER FIRST above all else ONLY your husband/wife
Ken asks…
How can I begin writing for a magazine? I write short stories, “opinion” pieces, advice, and adult erotica.
I have been told all My life I Am a good writer by friends, teachers, and strangers alike. I could write for a column perhaps (even on whats sometimes considered “controversial” subject matter). I Am a woman and a freethinker very familiar with MANY woman’s issues especially in the new millennium, which also include parenting. My erotica is good too. I have a very creative and vivid imagination and My writing pulls you right in. So how do I begin? Is there proper method for approaching magazines? Where do I find the magazines or peridicals that may be interested in what I write? Freelance would be ideal for starting out.
admin answers:
Most magazines will direct you how to submit articles for evaluation. If not, send it to the editor and ask for an evaluation.
Make copies of your work and submit them to several magazines. You do this until someone is willing to publish your work and pay you for it. Each time you have something published it will make it easier for the next article.
If you are rejected, and the person makes ome comments about your writing, try to see it from their point of view. The comments may make your articles better.
Best of luck,
Jeffrey
Robert asks…
Would teens really be interested in a magazine like this? (parents read too)? Looking to change teen magazines
So, I want to start a new kind of magazine (it may start out as an ezine I don’t know)… When I was a teen I kind of got tired of all the magazines being about fashion and how to get skinny… and how to be like everyone else. I know parents are looking for a change in teen magazines, I know I am. So I want to start something that is written by both adults and teens with out much fashion advice. I want teens to share their stories and adults to talk about when they were teens and how things change (or don’t).
I’m thinking kind of like a chicken soup for the soul meets readers digest kind of thing!
There would be a little bit on fashion, but not the spend $200 on this bag kind of thing! More like how to make stuff you already own look more up to date… or about stores with cheaper prices!
I’d like some kind of advice column b/c teens do have questions about things but I don’t want to deal with the sex questions like the other teen magazines! That’s the parents job!
I’m all about changing the way teens see themselves and I think that this is a good place to start!
Do you think there is a market for this?
Will the parents be more interested then the teens?
I’m a junior in college (24) so I can still very much remember being a teen. I liked more positive things at that age although I did read the normal teen magazines too!
As you can tell I’m still in the early stages of planing this but what do you all think?
I get the point of view on sex questions… I just really don’t want it to go there… I think I’ll just let Teen and Seventeen magazines handle… at least for now.
I’ve thought about this a lot today and taked to some friends and family…
I think we are going to do this! It’s going to start out as a website/ezine… get some interist… raise some money… and maybe someday is will be a real magazine!! I found out today that it costs A LOT to start a mag… so we’re going to start out small… and cheap! I’ll post something here when I get something going! I’ve even got a name… that I can’t share yet! So keep your eyes open! And give me a month or so… I’ve got some legal things I’ve got to do I think (copywrite and all that)!!
If your interested in writing for this leave a note here… I’ll contact you when I’m at that stage! I’m going to need people… I wont be able to pay as a poor college student but I’ll give you as much credit as I can! And who knows, I might be able to pay you someday!!!
admin answers:
When I was a teen I never read teen magazines! They all seemed like they were never talking about me. I fell in love with Latina because it was always questions I was thinking too that they answered or contained stories about real woman. The only thing is that sometimes the magazine was a little too mature for me. Now that I am an adult I read it faithfully every month and it is the only magazine I am subscribed to for the same reasons as earlier.
If you have a magazine for the teens by the teens and some adults that remember (TRULY) remember what it was like being a teen and sharing stories and advice I would love to read it and maybe even write for it.
Good Luck! It sounds like a great idea!
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Charles asks…
Am I getting paid enough? BCBA in a private school, please advise.?
I recently finished my gradaute studies and received my Master’s and have been working as the Behavior Specialist at my job (K-8 private school for children on the Autism Spectrum). At my one-year evaluation, i was expecting to receive a pretty significant raise due to a few reasons:
We are a start up school and i have been here since its inception year among very high staff turnover, I finished school and got my master’s, our student enrollment (my caseload) has doubled, I have been an active leader in the school providing teacher, parent, and community training, and I offered to teach Spanish twice a week next year. To my surprise, i was only given a raise of 1% ($500), leaving me at $55,500. I feel like this is much lower than my field yields and I deserve. The school greatly depends on my expertise. When i brought of my points about the school doubling in size (still small only increasing to 50 students) and my achievements this year, i was told that i needed to build rapport with my staff by building more personal friendships with them. I am wondering if this is typical because it is a private school even though the tuition is $35,000 per student with a staff of 12 for our campus and an enrollment of 45 students. I would like some outside perspective from anyone familiar with this field and tips on how i should communicate my feelings of discouragement and unapprecation. Thanks in advance!
FYI- i have 7 years of experience in the field of behavior management for children and adults with disabilities
admin answers:
Stop whining. If you don’t like the the paycheck, then go find yourself a different job.
But be aware that the money you’re making right now is better than 2/3 of the public school teachers in this country are making, and with only 45 students in the whole bloody school, it’s not like you’re killing yourself with work.
I’ll bet that there are thousands of hard working public school teachers out there who would KILL to have a cushy job like the one you have right now.
Mark asks…
Any advice for seventeen year old backpacking for first time?
A friend and I shall be travelling overland from Cadiz to the UK this summer. We hope to hone our French and Spanish along the way. Bearing in mind that this will be our first travel experience independent of our parents and that as a pair of seventeen year olds our budget will be small, what tips would you give?
We both know a Spanish Family in Andalusia from a homestay with school a few years ago, and I have French and English friends in the Pyrenees. Other than that we plan to stay in hostels and are currently raising the money that we can.
Like I say, we are both excited about this being our first backpacking experience and any advice would be great.
Thanks a lot
admin answers:
Pack light as you’ll be carrying it a lot
learn to cook and then cook meals at the hostel – it is a great place to meet other people.
Bring comfortable shoes for walking
John asks…
Could You Help Me Find A Path That Will Lead Me To A Good Fortune?
i am a 22 year old male i have tried applying to many places one of the ones i applied to was cheesecake factory
i got an interview and everything but the person never called me i am not the greatest with getting places but am getting better one way or the other
i have had night phobia for more than 1 year and its been hard on me ever since the cause of this was a night time accident
road rage …. i was scared and didnt know what to do. Later on i found out that i had been diagnosed with addisons disease
i have been with my girlfriend almost 2months now and am really in love with her. She lives 1hr away but i dont care i wanna be with her no matter what or where i have to go to see her. i am trying really hard to get myself for another problem i was diagnosed with called adhd attention defficit hyperactivity dissorder. People many times tell me that i allways change subjects constantly like i talk 5 different things all mixed up. i just want to be able to have a good descent job and be able to move out of my fathers house. i want to be self sufficient. i do own a car and have been working as a busser for bugaboo creek for 2months exact as a busser. I asked the boss if i could get more hours but the thing is he had said that they didnt need me i work there 2 days a week it stinks i mean i get 4 dollars an hour and then whatever i make in tips. Because of this whole addisons and phobia and as well my adhd it seems
treatable i am on hydrocortisone 30mg and fludrocortisone .1mg i am a really smart person i am bilingual in english and spanish. I am good at singing wanted to try american idol and plus people have told me that i have a nice sexy voice anyways, computers, not the greatest in math when i was young i took it as a joke and just dont know what to do i am not able to read a book. Dont get me wrong i can read and all but the thing is when i read something i get to the part where i just have forgotten everything i had read from that point and behind. I just want to be able to work a good job and make good money i feel that all these other problems i have at my age just stinks. Please help me out get my life better i feel im just buying time i mean i wanna go to college but my father feels that i should start in the springtime sometime. I was gonna take concerta but it was stopped until i got my blood test results in and then get some answers. I want to someday be able to move in with my girlfriend in an apartment please help me figure out a way i can have my dream!!!!! Please
P.S. i decided to write all this because i really do feel depressed at times
and then my girlfriend is like allways making me do things i thought i could never do
she inspires me with many stories her mother had told her and a lot of her own she is a lot like me and thats the main reason why we get along so well
The key to our relationship is communication. Good communication lets both partners know what eachother is feeling or not feeling. If one can not agree then you should try to compromise with eachother think before you speak is another tip to relationships. Have trust in eachother Always stay possitive When you say you love someone its allways good to show your partner how much you love them!! The money i make at my job isnt enough for us to do things if i had money that was enough for us i would give her the world i could say (non religiously) that money is god without money you arent alive pretty much i mean i like to take my girl out to the movies and then after to a nice restaurant i ask her where should would like to go but anyways all the times we say the samething thats whats so great about us i have been through the bad and the worse but when i met my girlfriend the first time i knew she was the one of course i would want to be with her when she is 1 hour away its not easy i met her parents and they have accepted me to be with there daughter
all i do is be myself and everything just falls in its right place
AGAIN PLEASE HELP ME I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO NO ONE WILL HIRE ME
AND MY GIRLFRIENDS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A BETTER MAN WHICH IS FANTASTIC
LATA= Will see you soon
Bye = never gonna see you again
I allways use lata with my girlfriend cause its the best way to explain to her that i will see her real soon
Bye isnt in my vocabulary lol
In our relationship we teach many things to one another which RoCkz!!
HELP ME GET ON TRACK AND FORWARD IN LIFE THANKS!!!
admin answers:
First of all, i want to congratulate you for having someone this loving to stand by you. Its a rare privilege. Secondly, i want to let you know that THE PATH OF DESTINY IS A LONELY PATH. Sometimes when things come so easy, then watch it, there is not going to be a good ending.
I sympathise with you. You have really faced a lot. I know how you feel. But my dear, you still have a long way to go in life. You are just 22. Whatever is good does not come easy.
I might not have a good job to offer you or a fortune to give, but the more you move closer to God, who is the source of all WEALTH AND RICHES, the more you get yourself acquainted with him, the better for you.
I will be praying for you. I know someday, you will find the PATH THAT LEADS TO FORTUNE. There is definitely time and seasons for everything. Relax. It is well.
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William asks…
are there any court approved parenting classes in the montbello area of Denver?
My wife and I are dissolving our marriage and agree on 100% of everything.We do not intend to live apart.
However,the District Court ordered we attend PAD classes.however,the classes listed are too far away and we do not have transportation or child care for our autistic children.
I am curious if there are any court approved parenting classes in my area of Denver,Co in the montbello community zip 80239.
admin answers:
1. Google ‘PAD classes’ or ‘parenting classes’, in Denver, CO.
2. Call the top one on the list.
3. Ask them if they’re district court approved.
4. Rinse, repeat until successful.
Michael asks…
Would you say parenting classes are important?
The parenting classes aim:
A)To enable preparation for labour and your delivery.
B)To provide you with emotional and psychological
preparation/support for your new role as a parent
C)To encourage peer support.
do you think these classes are important as i don’t want to go as i think i will be uncomfortable with other people around me ?
admin answers:
I didnt go with my first, but i did read about 5 different pregnancy and birth books!, as long as you feel you know everything and so does the birth partner, you will be fine, however i do think they do a great job at getting the men involved if he isnt so keen on book reading, or taking advice for others who have been through it before, i had my second child with my new husband and we went to the classes i was bored to death, but my husband knew what would happen at the birth, and it did make us feel closer.
Mark asks…
Did you take parenting classes before you had your baby/babies?
Me and my husband have signed up for parenting classes. We’re having twins in August, and I want to be prepared. Did you take parenting classes before you had your baby/babies?
admin answers:
No, but it’s a good idea. No parenting classes are offered where I live, but I would have taken some if offered. I just bought three or four books on parenting from authors with different ideas on how to take care of an infant. After our son was born, I used what information worked for us and what didn’t. I think that’s a good approach to any parenting info you get before the babies are born, take what works for you and do that, but don’t worry that you aren’t following someone else’s advice exactly. As long as you are following sound safety and medical advice, everything else doesn’t matter so much.
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George asks…
Looking for relationship dependant parenting advice?
My girlfriend and I live together. She came into the relationship with her son who is about to be 1 year old. We get into huge disagreements of discipline for him. I believe when the kid does something he shouldn’t that you can tell him no in a stern voice she thinks otherwise. Is this wrong? When I say things he shouldn’t I mean hitting in the face, biting, scratching anywhere especially the face. She got really upset because one morning I was half asleep and he hit me in the eye and it caught me off guard and in a stern maybe to stern voice I told him NO. He began to cry, she was mad. For one, I was caught off guard but no excuses for it, I did it. Are these things wrong for a 1 year old little boy? Please help! I want nothing more than to be with this girl for the rest of my life and help her raise her son but we are about to split because of some of these issues. All advice is appreciated. Thank you!
and she wants me to play the father to her child. She tells me all the time. The kid loves me to death. He typically trys to come to me over her.
I read the reply about yelling and screaming at him. Please understand this is not what I do. I say no we don’t do that in a stern voice. Not a yell or scream but a raised voice.
Thanks to everyone for the advice and hopefully something will work out for me.
admin answers:
My now husband came into my sons life when he turned 2. It was a hard transition for us to move in together and have him discipline my son. We argued for a very long time about parenting styles, but finally came to a common ground after living together for a while. I think that you do need to have a role in being a disciplinary in her childs life, but to a certain extent. Remember, you are not the childs father, and for her she probably wants the best for her son, so you yelling and screaming at him probably doesn’t go over with her well. I would sit down with her and say look, if i am going to help raise him and be in his life like he is my own, we need to come up with a combined way of parenting that we both agree on. Find out whats ok and whats not and try to respect her wishes. It’s tough, I know it first hand, but in the end things will work out.
Sandy asks…
Advice about step-parenting after bitter divorce and remarriage?
* Note: Posted in parenting but got 2 responses – looking for practical advice, know we need to work together but bio Mom not ok w/that
14 mo. old boy (mine), step-mom to 6, 9, and 13 year old boys – bio Mom *very* angry at my husby, who used to be her husby. Kids have ADHD, oldest Asperger’s, very difficult to deal with and worse since divorce and her recent (about six months give or take) decision to not supervise and/or discipline boys, though we all love boys dearly. No hope of getting physical custody at moment, though may be over time. Any advice on how to get through this stressful time with the boys, my husby, and myself, while still keeping sane? Already doing the usual – not saying anything bad about bio Mom, showing and telling boys we love them, spending as much time as possible with boys, doing something about bio Mom where we can and hoping time will take care of what we can’t control at moment. Husby and I agree on discipline and are about 50/50 with it, which boys accept well, but still lots of problems including concerns about bio Mom, and lots of tantrums, lying and stealing by boys.
admin answers:
I feel for you! I was once a step-mom and had to deal with what I thought was a bitter ex wife… Come to find out, hubby was still in love with her and only used me to “bug” her…. Anyway, I’m going to tell you that you are doing the very best you can do under the circumstances! Giving the boys unconditional love mixed with serious consequences for bad bahaviour is the best thing. The boys, regardless of ADHD, are going to lie and cause problems just to play the adults against each other. If you catch them stealing, take away something of theirs for 3 weeks. And tell them that they are setting a bad example for baby brother. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about bio mom except bite your tongue. The fact that you are refraining from verbalizing your feeling about her in front of the boys says that YOU are the better person!!! See if you can get the court to modify the custody arrangement prohibiting her from making disparaging remarks about dad and you! Good Luck and remember that love counts for a lot!
Mark asks…
New Step-Dad Needing Parenting Advice?
I have been married for a little over a month now. My wife has a 5 year old girl who is about to turn 6 from a previous marriage. They lived out of state and moved down to live with me about 10 moths ago. My step-daughter’s biological father is pretty flaky and when they were together didn’t have a lot do with her. He calls maybe three times a year and sees her if at all but once a year. They were divorced when she just turned 2 years old.
She is the sweetest girl and very loving. But when they moved down she came with a lot of bad habits. She didn’t know how to act a restaurants, would be selfish about things, talk back to her mother, ect. Just some basic things 5 year olds do. But these were things that I did not do as a child because I was not allowed to get away with them. I really do not blame the child 100% but mostly on how they are raised. I am not saying she was a bad kid at all… just a few habits that she picked up in life that were not corrected from the beginning. Well I had stepped in right away and had began to correct these things because I felt if I didn’t it would continue to other things.
For the most part she has done a 180 in the bad behavior/habits. When it is just her and I and her mother is not around she gives me no problems. But when her mother is around is when she starts to bring out the antics that have been bothering me. Her mother does discipline her (she is an elementary school teacher after all) but I feel like since she was pretty lax about it from the previous years that my step-daughter tries and see what she can get away with and test her. I have a much more difficult time disciplining her when her mother is around. She thinks that I get on to her every single thing and I think that she is easy on her. She uses the excuse “but she is 5” and I feel like that is her crutch for letting her do some of the things she does and I feel like because she is 5 she should know better.
My question is: as a sep-dad when is it my place to say or do something when bad behavior is to occur? Do I back off and relinquish any disciplining rights and just her mom deal with it? What is the roll of a step-dad to a child that has no real fatherly figure in her life? Just to add: my step-daughter is starting to call me “dad” and does always say “you are the best dad ever”. Her and I have a great relationship and a lot of the time when she has to pick a parent to do something with like homework or wants to play a game she 9 times out of 10 picks me. So I didn’t want it to seem like I am a tyrant. The problem is finding where is the middle ground? I fill in 50% of the responsibilities and finances for this child and love her as my own… so wouldn’t disciplining be one of the responsibilities? Thanks in advance.
Just want to comment to the feedback:
Thanks for all of the responses EXCEPT for James Blackley with his ridiculous statement as follows: “Let’s clear one thing up:Your not her parent, you do not get the right to discipline her.” … what I have to say to that is. Yes I am her parent you moron. When someone takes you school, teaches you to read, holds you when you are hurt, comforts you when you are scared, and teaches you about love and life is what a parent is. These are things I do for my girl. Whether she has my DNA or not I am the only real father she knows. So in my opinion if I am to carry all of the responsibilities, disciplining is one of the rolls. My question was (which was answered wonderfully by everyone else) to what degree were my boundaries. Luckily yahoo answers has a block feature to keep idiots like James Blackely from commenting again.
admin answers:
It’s almost eerie how similar our situations are! I have an 8 year old step daughter who I am raising (along with my husband). I came into her life when she was four and her mother basically split right before she started kindergarten and moved to another state. There were quite a few bad habits that they had started with her (my husband out of guilt that his ex-wife wasn’t a good mother) and her mother because she was too lazy to try and be a good example. Her grandmothers spoiled her endlessly and never made her mind. So she moved in with me and her father worked nights. She refused to eat anything I made. She only wanted macaroni and cheese, pizza, or ramen noodles. I was so new to the parenting thing and I just went with my gut. One night I made sloppy joes because I thought it would be fun. She took a nibble of the bun and spat it out and said she wouldn’t eat it and commanded me to make her something else (unfortunately, this was also the night that my folks came over for dinner). I simply told her that if she wouldn’t eat what was on her plate then she wouldn’t eat at all. She started throwing a fit and I told her she could go to her room until she was ready to eat. She didn’t eat dinner that night and the next morning she told me she was “starving.” I made her breakfast and said “Next time you’ll eat dinner, won’t you?”
Anyway, that was over three years ago. And for a long time I walked on egg shells where she was concerned. I was afraid to discipline her more than making her stand in the corner if she told a lie or threw a fit for no reason. It was also very difficult to convince my husband that there were things that needed to be corrected in her behavior. He kept saying things like “She’s had it rough.” “Her mom doesn’t even act like she loves her.” or “We have to discuss that with her mom.” I finally put my foot down after she turned six. In first grade she started getting in trouble at school. I told my husband that talking to her and putting her time out wasn’t working. Taking toys away, sending her to her room, and taking away television wasn’t working. He asked what I suggested and honestly I told him she needed a spanking. She was being snotty and rude all the time. Throwing fits constantly. He said he’d have to talk to his ex-wife (who like your step daughter’s father) calls maybe once a year and only sees her if my stepdaughter’s maternal grandmother will pay to fly my stepdaughter out there. I told him, that he needed to grow up and father his child and not worry about the mom who could care less. The very next day my daughter hit the little boy who sat in the desk next to her because he’d touched her desk. She smacked him in the face. That night she got her first ever spanking and after that she was so well behaved until the next time she saw her mother.
You need to sit down privately with your wife and find the boundaries together. Tell her point blank that you take this privelege of being a father seriously and you want to get it right. You understand that she thinks you’re too strict, but explain that when you and your step daughter are together she doesn’t behave in a certain way (the way she does with her mom) and that she manipulates her mom without even realizing it because she know she can get away with things with her mom that she can’t with you. It’s a long road. It’s a hard road. It’s worth it though. Yes, discipline is part of it, but you also have to pick your battles. If she’s talking back, nip it in the bud. If she’s whining because she didn’t get her way, tell her that whining won’t change your mind. If she wants to do things a little differently (like rolling her socks into donuts instead of tubes) let it slide.
After the first few months where I felt like my husband was constantly siding with my step daughter and nay-saying everything I did. I wrote down a list of things that I felt needed to be improved. It went something like this:
Eating habits
Baby talk
Tantrums
Talking back
Lying
then in the next column I wrote down ways that we could work on the problems. For eating habits I wrote down that if she ate dinner Sunday through Friday without arguing or complaining then on Saturday night we could have a movie night and eat whatever she wanted (within reason) in the living room.
It’s still not always easy. My husband works long hours and I am the primary caregiver. Her mom gets her every summer (most of which she ends up spending with her grandparents instead of her mother) but she always comes back with an attitude problem. As long as you make it clear to your wife that you love your daughter then it will work out. Be patient and recognize when she’s not going to back down about something and take a step back and let it just simmer on the back burner for a while before reapproaching the subject.
Good luck!
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Charles asks…
Help! I need tips on getting into LaGuardia High School?
Ok, so I’m a 7th grader and I’m looking forward to auditioning for LaGuardia High School. I want to try out for drama and maybe even singing. Drama clubs I’ve been in before and I’ve been in 2 choruses, so I think I’m good with those. I just need some tips:
See, my grades are very good, and I’m always passing my tests. I have a 90 in math, 90 in ELA, 90 in GYM, 85 in SS, 83 in science, and a 80 in spanish. I’m in a special SP class. The only problem is that I’ve been absent a LOT! like 18-22 times! But late only once. Are my chances still good with these absences? It’s not like I meant to be absent! I’m just having a lot of personal issues in my life (parents splitting, possibility moving, a lot of work, and more stress) so are my chances still good? please help! Thanks! 
admin answers:
Your total gps needs to be 80% or higher and sorry about your parents but you can always ask your school to dismiss those absents because its a family issue remember to be confident and i hope to see you there at the auditions maybe well have the same day
Donald asks…
Jr. High tips anybody? i am REALLY NERVOUS!!!!!?
I am starting Jr. High in September (or is it August?) and I am really nervous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am nervous about PE (I don’t do sports and am not that athletic) I am nervous about getting lost when trying to find all of my classes. I am nervous that I won’t be able to open my locker. I am nervous that I will fail my classes. My fear of failing all of my classes is the biggest one. See, I am in the elementary school’s “gifted and talented” program, so now my parents both think I am very smart. So, they are making me take honors in Jr. High. And my mom is making me take a language class. I SUCK at learning other languages!!!!!!!! I am learning spanish right now and I suck at it. What if I fail the honors????? PLEASE help!!!!!!! Any advice? Somehow assure me to not be scared haha. It would really mean a lot!
admin answers:
I live in Canada, I am in my second year at Jr. High and I was in french and at first yea it sucked, but let me tell you something if you try hard and study regularly it will be easy. As for getting lost; Jr. High is easy at making friends every knows about 2 or 3 maybe 4 people each so if you got a new person and befriend them it would be helpful because they can help you find your way to class, and sometimes you’ll help them trust me it’s starts off hard for the first couple of weeks but after that you”ll have a great time!
Trust me.
Betty asks…
BCBA in private school…am i getting paid fairly? please advise?
I recently finished my gradaute studies and received my Master’s and have been working as the Behavior Specialist at my job (K-8 private school for children on the Autism Spectrum). At my one-year evaluation, i was expecting to receive a pretty significant raise due to a few reasons:
We are a start up school and i have been here since its inception year among very high staff turnover, I finished school and got my master’s, our student enrollment (my caseload) has doubled, I have been an active leader in the school providing teacher, parent, and community training, and I offered to teach Spanish twice a week next year. To my surprise, i was only given a raise of 1% ($500), leaving me at $55,500. I feel like this is much lower than my field yields and I deserve. The school greatly depends on my expertise. When i brought of my points about the school doubling in size (still small only increasing to 50 students) and my achievements this year, i was told that i needed to build rapport with my staff by building more personal friendships with them. I am wondering if this is typical because it is a private school even though the tuition is $35,000 per student with a staff of 12 for our campus and an enrollment of 45 students. I would like some outside perspective from anyone familiar with this field and tips on how i should communicate my feelings of discouragement and unapprecation. Thanks in advance!
FYI- i have 7 years in the field
admin answers:
Personal friendships? That is an inappropriate requirement…they should only require professional relationships…
Have your job duties actually changed since you got the degree (an actual promotion—not just an increased caseload)…if you are going to be working and additional 2 periods to teach Spanish…you should be compensated for that…but if you are just replacing other work, you wouldn’t be….private schools don’t have to give you a raise for getting a higher degree..many businesses aren’t giving raises–many are lowering salaries……$35,000 is actually cheap–its a lot more in my area..you have a very high student:staff ratio…schools for autism in my area tend to be 1:2 (including all staff: ST, PT, OT, etc).
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Sandra asks…
Does anyone know of any parenting websites for mommys?
admin answers:
Gurgle.com
Carol asks…
Is there a “kid” version of parenting websites?
Like cafemom and parent dish, but teen-run.
So teens can discuss their parents and stuff like “what should happen to halloween candy” ( a recent blog I saw of cafemom).
Is there anything like this? I’ve been looking for quite a while.
admin answers:
Www.momlogic.com
that the best you can enjoy gr8 children video also…
Sharon asks…
Does anybody know of any parenting websites and magazines?
admin answers:
Two magazines that have sites: (Two in one, yay.)
Parenting Magazine- http://www.parenting.com/parenting
Parents Magazine- http://www.parents.com/
I have never read the following magazine, nor have I really explored the website, but it has a good message board online. (Click on discuss.) It deals with “natural” parenting. Cloth diapering, breast feeding, the whole works.
Mothering Magazine- http://mothering.com
And one last one- I don’t know if the magazine still exists, but the website does-
http://www.sesameworkshop.org/parents/
There’s a whole bunch of others, but these are the ones that I have experience with.
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